10.02.2008

Hold On

I once heard a Pueblo blessing:

Hold onto what is good, even if it is a handful of earth.
Hold onto what you believe, even if it is a tree which stands by itself.
Hold onto what you must do, even if it is a long way from here.
Hold onto life, even when it is easier letting go.
Hold onto my hand, even when I have gone away from you.



It has been many years since I first heard it, but I've never forgotten it. When I heard it that first time, and every time since, it spoke my soul. If you have ever heard or read words that speak your soul, you know just what I'm talking about. Sometimes it happens with a song lyric or a poem or a scripture or a story. It can even happen with a score of music or a painted canvas. The language of the soul does not need words, or even sound. You hear something, or read something, or see something, and it feels as if someone has taken a crowbar and pried you open to steal what is inside of you.

Hold onto what is good, even it it is a handful of earth.
There are times when it is hard to see the good all around you. Tragedy and chaos can come down hard and so suddenly that you're left reeling and disoriented. Things look bleak, you feel bleak, you wonder how everything got so bad, so quickly. The saving grace in such times is hope, no matter how small that hope may be. Hope can spring from the tiniest bit of gratefulness, from the least amount of good... the horse in the pasture, a child's giggle, a puppy chasing his tail, the scent of a fresh cut lawn, the smile of a stranger, or the handful of earth between your fingers.

Hold onto what you believe, even if it is a tree which stands by itself.
There are times when you may feel lost and without purpose. Where there once was certainty, now you feel only confusion. Something might happen, something that shakes the foundation of everything you thought you knew. Somebody you love dies. Somebody you thought you'd have forever walks out of your life. Or maybe you just look around at all the chaos of the world and begin to question your long-held belief in a god you've never doubted. There seems to be no purpose and no meaning. Where you once felt faith, you now feel empty. Faith is still there, only eclipsed for the moment, awaiting your return...observe the cycle of the sun and the moon, dig out that poem your child wrote to you when he was 7, walk into a church of unfamiliar creed or denomination and sit quietly in the back with your eyes closed, or look out the window and up the hill to the tree that stands by itself, where it stands every time you look out that window and up that hill.

Hold onto what you must do, even if it is a long way from here.
The natural cylce of human development takes you from total dependence on others to total independence. Your life begins connected, quite literally by an umbilical cord, to another human being. You are born, the cord is cut, but still you are totally dependent on others for your very survival. For many years, you struggle to break free, while at the same time running back to the comfort and safety of others. Eventually you do break free, you must. You become self-sufficient, independent, enough. You could move to a desert island and survive on your own, forever, until your death. You are enough for yourself. Don't hold onto what you no longer need, even if that means you must travel a long way from here, from where you have always been.

Hold onto life, even when it is easier letting go.
Our days are filled with joy and pain, not always in equal measure. When the pain overshadows any joy you may feel, when grief is stacked upon grief for days or weeks or even months on end, you may feel like giving up, checking out, letting go. And why not? How can you know if things will improve, if joy will return, if your grief will ever subside? Hold on and joy will return. All of life is a cycle. Grief subsides as joy returns. Without darkness, there'd be no light. Hold on for the return of joy, for it is certain to emerge again. Hold on for the light that comes around as the cycle of darkness fades. Hold on, even when it feels easier letting go.

Hold onto my hand, even when I have gone away from you.
People come in and out of your life. Some you may be glad to see go, but more often, you'll long for those who have come and gone from your life. If you accept that everyone - every single person - who passes through your life is your teacher, you'll better understand their departure. If you remember that those you've loved, then lost, have left a piece of their essence with you, you'll know they have not really left you at all. If you can hear their words in your memory, see their face in your mind, feel their touch in your soul, then they will eternally hold your hand.

I’m Maze. I’m an addict.