Step Seven: Abstract & Poetic

STEP SEVEN
"We humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings."
[Spiritual principle associated with this step: Humility]

When I reached this step, step seven, I felt blocked. Stumped. Dead in the water. When Bill Wilson, one of the founding members of AA and author of most of the big blue book of Alcoholics Anonymous, came up with this step, I’m pretty sure he was referring to “God” when he instructs us to ask “Him” to remove our shortcomings.

Me and my unbelieving self had a problem.

My concept of a higher power, at this point, was still, shall we say, vaguely-defined. Going back to step three, where I “turned my will and my life over to the care of god as I understood him,” helped. Ah yes, the indescribable Tao. Perhaps, even without a personified concept of god I could still take this step. Granted, it would be more abstract than the way others I talked to had taken it, but that felt okay.

The dilemma: How does one ask a non-personified concept for anything?

I didn’t have the answer. Someone suggested I pull out the Tao Te Ching again and see what I could find. It was the perfect suggestion and the beginning of a poetic love affair that continues still.

Instead of just reading other’s translations of the Tao Te Ching, I began writing my own poetic interpretation, and in doing so, I found I was somehow working step seven, somehow “asking god,” making a request of the universe, calling on the Tao.

Some snippets of my own interpretations of the Tao Te Ching that ultimately became my seventh step:

When I am still,
And empty—
That is when I hear.
When I run,
Or grip, relentless
To my fear,
I only hear an echo
Of the faintest echo…
And yet,
Without those vibrations
Upon my ear,
For what would I listen,
Or hope to ever hear?
___

For there’d be no light, if not for the darkness,
If not for the shadow of grief.
For there’d be no healing, if not for the pain,
If not for the wounds of grief.
For there’d be no music, if not for the silence,
If not for the stillness of grief.
For there’d be no joy, if not for the sadness,
If not for the despair of grief.

The negative creates the positive,
For without the good, there’d be no bad.
The right defines the wrong,
For without laws, there’d be no freedom.
The high relies on the low,
For with nowhere to start, there’d be nowhere to go.
___

If I give to you now
That which I need,
(That which you don’t)
What will I have to offer
When you do?
All I can give,
And all I hope for,
Is silence,
A breath of understanding.
I cannot
I will not
Compete
With the whisper within you.
I only wish to hear it,
To really, truly hear it.
And to let you know that I do.
If we come,
Naked, and
Without,
We can begin here,
Right here,
In ignorance.
No baggage.
No weapons.
No need.
It is better that I not lead,
Or be led by you.
___

Be the womb.
Be the water.
Be the giver of life.
When the current changes,
Do not swim.
When the tide is high,
Ride the waves.
When the rapids loom,
Do not paddle.
When the tide slips away,
Drift in the surf.
Follow the flow,
Be that water,
And flow where others
Cannot go.
___

This, by no means, explains the entirety of step seven. I had many shortcomings then. I have many shortcomings now, still. When I can live by my own interpretation of the Tao, when I can practice these things, this is my way of “asking 'Him' [it] to remove all of my shortcomings.” It is not a one-time prayer to some god (or God) somewhere out there to remove my tendencies to manipulate and control, to take away my demanding nature or unrealistic expectations. No, for me, it is living every day and every moment of my life doing my best to practice the spiritual principles that are ever-changing and ever-deepening.

If your soul is centered in the Source,
It gives freely,
Without demand or expectation,
Without control or manipulation,
And it will be a light to all those
Who search for light,
And all those who
See their own shadows.

I’m Maze. I’m an addict.